56 years after the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament was launched by luminaries including JB Priestly and Bertrand Russell, the organisation has finally given its backing to nuclear weapons.

‘We backed the wrong horse,’ said CND’s General Secretary Kate Hudson, in a dramatic U-turn from the organisation’s founding objectives.

‘We should have known that humanity’s penchant for self-destruction would lead inexorably to global nuclear proliferation. And from now on, that’s where our money is going to be put.’

‘We now wholeheartedly endorse the Government’s assessment that £100bn is better spent on a new generation of weapons of mass destruction than on healthcare, education or green energy.’

‘We also vehemently reject the strategic objections to Trident replacement: we’ve had it up to here with ex-Generals and defence analysts who say nuclear weapons are an obsolete Cold War relic, and that Trident spending is hollowing out the UK’s military.’

‘That’s why from today we’re rebranding as the Campaign for Nuclear Armament. We’ll be ditching the iconic CND symbol – inverting it to create an encircled trident. We look forward to developing a robust and enduring relationship with the Government on this controversial public spending issue as we head into the next election.’

Psst. In case you missed it: this is an April Fools’. Of course nuclear weapons are monstrous and we’ll continue to campaign against them.